Net Gain

In May of 2015, the internet was taken down for the greater good of humanity. There would have been riots and protests, but no one could figure out how to organize them without facebook or twitter. Slowly but surely, the people found their own methods for dealing with the change. Rather than telling jokes on twitter, some people were reduced to shouting jokes out the window of a moving car at pedestrians and telling them to retweet them. If the pedestrians enjoyed the joke, they could retweet it by telling the joke to a friend later, but this whole process just became akin to a giant, incoherent game of telephone.

Chaos reigned supreme as kids “liked” statuses of their friends actually doing things by walking up to them and announcing it. Craigslist became a street corner in every city where people sold couches, met for sexual encounters, and bought and sold used tupperware. It was hell on earth.

In June of 2015, the last of the polar bears finally passed on and Al Gore decided that the world needed the internet back. After an arduous process spanning thirty minutes, Gore was able to plug the internet back in. It was just a big plug. The half an hour was really just Al Gore staring at the outlets on the wall and figuring out which thing to unplug so he could plug the internet back in. He unplugged his polar bear lamp, it just seemed fitting at the time.

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